Slumdog Millionaire – The Sequel

Posted on October 4, 2011 by

0


By Karim:

Warning: Do not Read  if you are under 18

Anil Kapoor (AK) : Hello everyone and welcome to “Who wants to be a millionaire”. Tonight we have on our show a person who’s already made millions by just sitting on a bench. Ladies and gentlemen please welcome the slumdog Granero

Granero enters dressed casually with a T-Shirt that has Ronaldo’s face on it.

AK: Welcome Granero, Why are you wearing T-Shirt that has Ronaldo’s face?

Granero: Because he is rich, handsome and a great player.

AK : So Granero, How can a Spanish chaiwala become a millionaire ?

Granero : Just kick a ball in front of Madrid fans while in Getafe. They are emotional and have done a lot for slumdogs like me, Soldado and soon Sarabia.

AK : Tonight you have the opportunity to win 2 million Euros. What are you gonna do with that much money?

Granero : Well it’s actually pocket change for me. I could use that money to help Ozil become a human though.

AK : Isn’t he already one?

Granero : No he is a super natural fish, now he’s wanting to be human, to be par with everyone else in the team, you know….

AK : Ok fine, shall we start with the first question ?

Granero : Yeah, please! I’ve to go for the Real Madrid match after this show…..

AK : But aren’t you always on the bench anyways, why the hurry ? Why so serious ?

Granero : I get paid more than the paltry sum you are offering here to be on the bench , so STFU.

AK : Ok let’s start , here’s the first question for 10,000 Euros :

1) For how much time does Alex Ferguson chew the same gum at a stretch ?
A. 90 minutes
B. 120 minutes + extra time
C. 6 hours
D. 24 hours

Granero : I will go with D. 24 hours !

AK : How can you be so sure ?

Granero : I know it well, Ronaldo told me he changes the gum only when he brushes his teeth !

AK : Computer, please lock D.24 hours…………and D. 24 hours is the right answer ! You have just won 10,000 Euros!

AK : Next question for 20,000 Euros:
2) How many matches will Khedira take to score a goal in official competitions ?
A. 200 matches
B. The matches played by Raul in his career
C. The matches played by Maldini in his career
D. He will never score

Granero : I will go with D. He will never score.

AK : This is a tough question…what makes you so sure ?

Granero : I had once dared him to score with an open net and if he did then he would get one night with Ronaldo. He still didn’t score !

AK : D. He will never score is the right answer ! You win 20,000 Euros !

Granero : Ya next question asshole, am getting late……

AK : Ok , this one is for 50,000 Euros :

Ronaldo is counting

3) If you cut Marcelo’s hair , how much of  lice can be generated ?
A. 1 kg
B. 100 kg
C. Equal to his body weight
D. No, He is clean.

Granero : I’ll go with C. Equal to his body weight as he never shampoos.

AK : That’s the right answer , you win 50,000 Euros ! Here , feel this cheque of 50,000 Euros , how does it feel ?

Granero : Ahh , just like I tissue paper I used today morning…..

AK : Haha , once a slumdog , always a slumdog ! Next question for 100,000 Euros :

4) Which drug does Mutu use frequently ?
A. Cocaine
B. Grass
C. Charas
D. None of these.

Granero : Aha ! A trick question. I would go with D. None of these.

AK : But Mutu is a fuckin doper , how can you ever say D ?

Granero : Because he uses a cocktail of drugs like Cocaine,Acid,Heroin,Hash,Grass, piss,Nandrolone,etc !

AK : And D. is the right answer. Jeez , I thought these questions are tough , you seem to know it all eh ? I mean , how can a chaiwala at Madrid know so much ?

AK : Let’s see if you know this ! Next question for 200,000 :
5) What does Messi use to masturbate ?
A. Hands
B. Legs
C. He relies only on night falls
D. He does not have a penis

Granero : I will go with B. Legs

AK : How the fuck does one masturbate with legs ? Think again, think deeply, I know you are a bloody chaiwaala from Madrid, but still think a bit.

Granero : If he uses his hands to score goals , then surely he must be doing the opposite to masturbate…..right ? I’ll stick with B. Legs

AK : Ladies and Gentlemen, Granero the Slumdog has got it correct ! He wins 200,000 ! Ok next question for 500,00 :

6) In a race between Xabi Alonso and a tortoise , who will come first ?
A. Tortoise
B. It will be a tie
C. Both can’t finish
D. Alonso

Granero : The tortoise surely ! Hell, even a still stone is faster than him ! It’s A. Tortoise
AK : Damn the makers of this show for giving such an easy question for so much money ! A. Tortoise is the right answer !

AK : Next question for 1 million Euros :
7) How many strands of hair does Ryan Giggs have on his chest ?
A. None. He recently shaved it off
B. 1 million and 3
C. Even multiplication of two 100 digit numbers is easier
D. 1 million and 6

Granero : Gimme some time for this, even Giggs may not know the answer.

AK : How can a slumdog know so much ? It’s easy to calculate…..

Granero : Of course , you may have calculated the answer by seeing your own chest ! Now lemme think….

AK : Tick tick 1 , Tick tick 2……

Granero : Grow up asshole ! Even Sonam has matured more than you……….I would like to use my life line !

AK: Which one ?

Granero: Phone a friend, I would like to call David De Gea!

AK : Ok , De Gea is on the call , you have 30 seconds , your time starts now…….

Granero: Hola David , how are you ? wassup ? asl ?

De Gea: Shut up and ask the question!

Granero:  How many strands of hair does Ryan Giggs have on his chest ?

A. None. He recently shaved it off
B. 1 million and 3
C. Even multiplication of two 100 digit numbers is easier
D. 1 million and 6

De Gea: I think its 1 million and 3.

AK : And why not D. 1 million and 6 ? How did you get 3 hairs less ? I counted mine and it was 1 million and 3.

De Gea:  I am smart. Today morning during training he chested a ball and 3 strands fell off from his chest , so it is 1 million and 3.

Granero: I ll go with De Gea’s Answer

AK: Computer, Please lock, B. 1 million and 3.

AK : Holy pregnant cow ! B. is the right answer ! You have just won 1 million  and are 1 question away from superstardom.

Granero : Ya please do it fast, sitting here is reminding me what am gonna do during the match !

AK : Ok , here is the final question for 2 million Euros :
9) What is Ronaldo’s favorite shake ?
A. Starbucks’ Frappuccino
B. Costa’s Frescato
C. Irina Shake
D. Ask Ronaldo’s mom

Granero : I kind of know the answer , but I will still confirm. Can I use the phone a friend option again?…..

AK : Whom do you want to call ?
Granero : Ronaldo himself !

AK : Wait , that’s not allowed.

Granero : Ok , I think it’s Irina Shake…. because i have heard him saying  “I had Irina Shake last night… and it was delicious” many of times.

AK : Your time is up , what is your answer ?

Granero : I would go with C. Irina Shake

AK : Are you sure ? Remember if you lose here you will lose everything and become a slum dog again !

Granero : Don’t worry about that…..all it takes is one night with Mourinho.

AK : Ok computer , lock C. Irina Shake. And Granero has given the wrong answer ! get lost and go sit on the bench now ! You didn’t win anything ! Thank you for playing “Who wants to be a millionaire” !


Things you might have not understood:
Chaiwala: Some one who serves tea in a restaurant or Office etc.
Anil Kapoor: Indian Actor, host in the movie Slum Dog Millionaire.
Sonam: Daughter of Anil Kapoor in real life.

Note: This article has been made for the sole purpose of humour. I did not  mean to offend anyone by any means.

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Posted in: Satires